How to Practice Self-compassion

How to Practice Self-compassion

No matter what you might be going through, a dose of self-compassion can never hurt!

Simply put, self-compassion is the ability to offer love, kindness, and warmth to oneself during a moment of hardship. It is the act of caring for oneself, no different than how you would care for a loved one in time of need.

I discovered the power of self-compassion in 2017 through the writings of Kristin Neff, Ph.D. and often found myself reading passages from her text to clients during therapy sessions. Clients could immediately relate to her writing and discover relief when applying her techniques to their own lives. I would read two paragraphs in particular that would help clients quash perfectionism.

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? - Dr. Neff

Let’s review three elements that comprise self-compassion, and then we’ll look at how to put it into practice.

Three Elements of Self-compassion

Self-kindness vs. Self-judgement - the ability to be understanding towards oneself when feelings of inadequacy arise rather than ignoring the pain or being self-critical. Neff says, “Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals.” When one practices self-kindness, reality can be accepted with sympathy; therefore, emotional equanimity is experienced.
Common Humanity vs. Isolation - the ability to see one’s humanness clearly in that everyone suffers, is mortal and imperfect. Dr. Neff writes, “Self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone.”
Mindfulness vs. Over-identification - the ability to hold one’s experience with awareness, openness, and non-judgment, which allows for a zoomed-out perspective on a stressful situation rather than over-identifying with the stress and becoming reactive.

Self-compassion Practice

Mindfulness

Repeat: ‘During the most difficult of times, I can acknowledge that this is really hard. This is a moment of suffering.’

Exercise: Journal the emotions you’re experiencing to help name them: sadness, failure, inadequacy, grief, anger, fear, self-doubt, insecurity…

Common Humanity

Repeat: ‘This is a part of life. This is a normal feeling and experience because I am human. Difficult moments are a part of being human, and I am not alone. Everyone and everything on this planet experiences suffering in some form, and everyone is imperfect. No one leads a perfect life.’

Exercise: stay connected to others. Confide in a friend or take the focus off of yourself for a moment by helping someone else in need.

Self-compassion

Repeat: 'Now that I am mindful, aware, and know that I am not alone, can I be kind, compassionate, and even generous with myself during this time? What can I do to help alleviate this suffering? What would I say to a friend? How can I support myself and be warm, loving, and supportive?'

Exercise: Treat yourself well. Go for a walk, take yourself out to lunch, give yourself a hug, take a hot shower, put on comfy clothing, or watch your favorite movie. Be your own best friend.

If you’d like to learn more, contact me to schedule a self-compassion focused therapy session. I offer online and in-person therapy in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware. I specialize in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness and strength-based therapy in Center City Philadelphia.

8 More Self-compassion Exercises + Self-compassion Guided Meditations